one week til october!

The title of this post made me think of a friend’s song… Five Months from October

So, no, I’m not trying to wish my life away really, but I’m excited about the rest of this year and all the fun stuff it will bring, Lord willing.

beware detour ahead…

I’ve been trying to remember to say “Lord willing” lately, because it’s attributing the “X factor” to all my best laid plans. Let’s face it, no matter how thorough a planner you are, there are always those things completely and totally out of your control, and whether or not you believe God “causes” or “allows” them, (or if you believe in God or any kind of Higher Power or Force at all for that matter) those things still happen and I have learned to not let my expectations and disappointments rule my life or my mood. Well, I’m trying to learn that any way. 

And I’m totally stressing out on whether the comma should be after “them” or after the parenthesis… yikes! I’m losing my grammatical instinct!!! Someone help me!

Anyway, my next few months are jam packed with fun stuff and good friends.

October 1: U2!!!! in Charlottesville!

Oct 2-4: tourism in C-ville, Monticello, Crozet Music Fest, David Tewks and Alex Mejias are both playing – love those guys! AND! I am not actually playing for church! Imagine that!!

Oct 16-18: New York, South Shore Christian School reunion and visiting some friends from all over.

Oct 23-25: Music weekend at Williamsburg Christian Retreat Center. I have been asked to be the accompanist for the adult choir. The music has been challenging but that’s good because I get a little lazy sometimes about challenging myself.

November 6: CITY ARTS CAFE at church! This year, First Friday Cafe has a new name, but the intention and the fun will be the same if not better.

Nov 14-16: PITTSBURGH! HERE WE GO STEELERS!!! I’m pretty excited about this. I’ve never been to the ‘Burgh and I love new cities, but especially this one. Plus I’ll get to see a couple “old” friends.

then we are solidly into Thanksgiving and Christmas!!! crazy. and i’m glad. i love when i’m busy and life is chaotic. i feel more creative during chaos and i’ve been told it’s easier to be moved when you’re already in motion. or somesuch thing.

mmmm I smell cider…

a good weekend

with new friends, with old friends
with true friends, with blue friends
with family, with memory
with laughter and tears
with sunshine and beers
for memorial
and not with a fox or in a box
or on the train or from a plane
etc

i didnt mean for that to turn into a poem.
or gangsta rap. hey ho hey ho

anyway, it was a good weekend. life is good.
except i still havent seen terminator.

tongue tied

lately I’ve felt like I have absolutely nothing to say. or type for that matter. there are days I feel that everything I say has been said a million times before, everything I’ve thought has been thunked before, every idea and project I undertake has been undertaken before, and what’s it all worth really in the end? that whole “you are not special. you are not a beautiful and unique snowflake” mentality. and you are not your khakis.

I have no delusions of grandeur. I don’t sit around plotting to take over the world. I don’t play elaborate, lengthy rounds of Risk or Diplomacy. I don’t find myself dreaming up ways to become rich, famous, or octomom.

But sometimes, you just want to matter. A lot. And at the end of the day, that’s a good thing.

One thing I’ve been accused of in the past, by people who were less than appreciative, is that I’m ambitious. I’m the kind of person who likes to have 4 or 5 irons in the fire (or whatever that expression is) and be involved in all kinds of things. But I’m also an idea person and once something gets underway and rolling, I want to hand it off to a capable person, and move on.

Problem is no one will ever care about my project the way I do, and even if they do care enough, they may not be capable. Or maybe I just find it hard to let go of things because I feel so intrinsically responsible for its success that I feel I have disappointed myself and others if I do in fact move on to something else. When I’m not involved in something any more, I get a little weepy.

All this to say, that I am trying to get some other irons in the fire but there are things I can’t let go of. And I can’t handle it all. And I’m burning out. And I am totally unsure what to do about it. And I sit around waiting for handwriting on the wall. While I play another round of Axis and Allies.

just kidding.