Searching for Revelance

errr I meant relevance… I think revelance is a good word too… but I think I just made that up.

This year has been a maze – the kind made up of large bushes and thick branches like in the movie Pan’s Labyrinth which I will only recommend to certain people, the bulk of whom are probably NOT currently reading this. Anyway, the maze of this year has proven only one thing to me, yet again, that you have absolutely no idea what is around the bend.

Never in my wildest and relatively tame dreams would I have guessed I would be cohabiting (1) in Virginia, (2) with my parents, and/or (3) in WILLIAMSBURG, Virginia. Nor would I have bet any money on the fact that it would be before I am married with or without children. But here I am and have been since July, and I am no closer to my goals for 2007 now as I was prior to moving. And we play this game in our heads that we have tomorrow, or next week, or next year and whatnot, but in reality we have only til around the bend.

But it is just enough time, as I have come to believe and truly deeply trust in the Divine Schedule that God has set into motion, and that the bend in the maze will come when it’s supposed to and we’ll see what we are meant to see then. I could go into all kinds of existentialist crap at this point, but I won’t. I’d rather be searching for revelance any day…

Love and Peace to you and yours this New Years!!!

Tis the Season

The more I think about it, the more I realize we got this all wrong. We buy into the idea that Christmas is a merry time, filled with family and loved ones and warmth and happiness and cheer and celebration. Even as Christians, we tap into that spirit and make it about how great God is for sending His Son to save us in the form of a little baby, all precious meek and mild.

I don’t buy it. I tend to think about the fact that things had gotten THAT bad that Deity had to become Human and take on the world in a fairly extreme tactic just to give us losers a chance at redemption and eternity. All the while God knew – and what Jesus knew has been debated – that humanity would largely reject Him and then kill him in a friggin brutal way. Not even to mention the tragedies that would occur for the following 2000 years in His Name and in spite of It. Then of course His birth would be beaten down like a slab of meat with a tenderizer so it would be more palatable to us. We’d turn it into the winter solstice and write songs about the falling snow and pretty lights and throw in a verse or two about a baby and maybe some angels for good measure. Then dress up some old fat dude and sit our kids on his lap.

To me, the season is all wrong. If you want a holiday about families and love and glowing hearths and stockings filled with more crap you dont need, then have that holiday. That’s cool. Just dont call it Christmas. In fact, you can go back to calling it Saturnalia or Sol Invictus and have orgies while you’re at it.

Of course I’m kidding about that last part…

But seriously, I can’t help but think that the season should be a whole lot more somber than it is currently. That all Heaven was rejoicing, but that there was a mix of sadness and pensiveness with a touch of melancholy really. I mean God obviously didnt want the pomp and circumstance because He wouldn’t have the humble beginnings He planned for His Son with only a handful of shepherds, a carpenter and his wife to see it. He wanted pondering and quiet and hope. Even the gold, frankincense and myrrh came later on.

The Dark Light

I don’t know where along the line I got so morbid and cynical. I suppose I could speculate on this, maybe when I was a kid I discovered I had little faith in humanity as a whole. Maybe when I was a teen I knew that people would always disappoint me and betray me. Maybe as a young adult I figured everyone was only after selfish gains and as an older adult I came to know it was true.

I don’t generally like happy endings, neat and tidy fairy tales. I like ambiguity and morality tales that leave you to wrestle out the lessons. I suppose this is why I’ve gone backwards and starting reading the “classics” again – Homer, Virgil, Dante – they had strong ideals, sure, but they made the reader work for it. I also suppose that the only truth we gain from these stories is that we all die. That’s really the big conclusion. It’s what you do until then that counts.

Jesus said we should have life more abundant, but I don’t think He was handing out rose-colored glasses with that statement. And i don’t think it’s about seeing half-full, half-empty perspectives either. I see it as remembering without dark there is no light and vice versa. And no matter where you go, there you are. It’s really the most complex simplicity there is. And it’s beautiful.

That said, Christmas becomes this frantic time when we want to be awed and wonder all friggin day and night. The intention could be that we’re awed and wondered by the mystery of God becoming Man and all that. But truth is we really just like bright and shiny as opposed to true and gritty. Bordering on sacrilege I’m sure, but I’m more awed and wondered by the fact that God choose to have to poop for 30 some-odd years. If I had that choice, I think I’d go with no. But then again, I also chose to do some pretty ridiculous things over the course of my 30 some-odd years.

Anyway, I dont have a concrete point here. Let’s just say that I love Christmas for all its beauty, but in the silent night, I prefer the mystery of it all and wrestling the questions of why and how and what it means to me. Because those answers will last far longer than the tinsel on the tree.