pray is a four letter word

I recently shared a small part of my testimony at a women’s brunch at my church. Mostly the part about how music plays such a huge role in my life and how for almost 7 years I didn’t once even touch a piano. I had lost the expression and joy of making music, like a conversation, with God.

And if I had time to go on, I would also say that I lost my ability to pray. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t talk to God except for random outbursts. I couldn’t thank Him because I was too angry.

It’s like most relationships. Something happens between you and you react in whatever way comes natural to you. The silent treatment. The cold shoulder. You shut off all ties. Or you lash out, you blame, nitpick, cajole, maybe over little and completely unrelated things. Maybe you start nitpicking over every little thing that always annoyed you but you had previously kept your mouth shut and just thought it to yourself. But now, it’s no holds barred. Game on.

The thing with God though is there’s no such thing as just keeping your mouth shut and He knows what you’ve been thinking all along. We forget this. And we think we hide stuff from Him. What did Adam and Eve do the moment they sinned? It’s instinctive to hide. It’s what we do.

I was reading a blog today called “How to Smartly Engage with the Young Doubters in our Midst” which was a good enough reflection on how to handle when someone we know is struggling with their faith. Most of the points are well taken – listen (meaning shut up with the Sunday School and just let them talk) and give them resources for their questions (which also means YOU have to know resources to suggest which many Christians don’t because their own faith is shallow.)

http://blog.christianitytoday.com/women/2012/05/how_to_smartly_engage_with_the_1.html

I did think, though, the author missed one major point – prayer. she didn’t mention it once which I thought was interesting. And I specifically don’t “just” mean prayer FOR them to find answers and their peace, although that should go without saying, but it’s so important I’ll say it any way. But I mean praying WITH them out loud together – teaching each other HOW to pray with ALL our thoughts and concerns and fears and anger, bringing it before His throne out loud on purpose EXPECTING Him to answer us. It’s a huge component missing from the lives of those of us who walked away… we stop praying because we are hiding or we simply don’t think anyone is listening any more.

I’ll be the first to admit I didn’t have much of a prayer life as a teenager. I knew what to say out loud in front of groups. I had all the right buzz words and phrases and I was never the one who hated being called on to pray in a group. I knew in my head it was a privilege to come to God in prayer – cuz that song says so and stuff – but the reality of actually physically SPEAKING with the Creator and Ruler of all time and all things just didn’t really phase me that much.

Fast forward to a few years ago now, after I had completely fallen away and had come back a la Pig Boy (aka the prodigal/lost son – you can read the story HERE if you haven’t), and I learned to pray through the Psalms. And woo doggie those are some doozies. David knew how to pray, man! He let it all hang out. Every question, every fear, every lost hope – bam! Here it is, God. The idea of being that open and raw with God sometimes is so foreign to some of us who grew up Christian. And it shouldn’t be. Maybe you grew up like me thinking you weren’t supposed to struggle and you were just expected to be this perfect child. And I basically was – you can ask my parents – until my senior year of college when it all went downhill fast.

The real question that bugs me these days – would prayer – really intense on the edge of a cliff kinds of prayer – have changed my life? I would bet yes. I didn’t go to God because I was angry with Him. I didn’t ask God for anything because I didn’t want to believe any more. At some point I made up my mind that He was a sadomasochist, like a kid with an ant farm, and a really sadistic kid at that. And so I walked away as best as I could.

Truth is of course that I knew deep down He was pulling me back. I can look back over the years now and see all the traces of Him showing up and coming after me. I can see how He protected me from any number of terrible things that, for all intents and purposes, I basically had set myself up for. So much could have gone wrong – and while some things did go very wrong in my life, I am so incredibly grateful to be where I am and in one piece. More or less.

Personally, I think people who are struggling and doubting don’t have any more resources than before – as some might try to say. There are more books, more “edgy” churches out there, more people who understand when to shut up and listen. But for all these HUMAN efforts, there is still the SAME GOD. The Same One who rescued David from the pit. The Same One who left the 99 to find the 1. The Same One who carried Cain, the first murderer and (don’t crucify me for any doctrinal errors) the first born who chose purposely to sin against God and man, and yet still received mercy (the mark of Cain. Google it if you wanna).

We have that same God who chases after us and yet how many burdens do we bear because we did not carry everything to Him in prayer? Ah, good ole hymns… hey did you know that the tune to that was originally for the song “When this bloody war is over?” HA!! Perfect!

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(Editor’s Note: Please excuse the somewhat questionable lyrics of the following song. posting of this song does not in any way connote support of or against war, nor support of or against the British. And nevermind the use of the word bloody.)

Busch Gardens Williamsburg Knows how to Part-ay!!

Verbolten VIP party was a lot of fun. The ride of course was amazing too. So let’s talk shop!

Marketing folks did a great job of welcoming guests and shmoozing with folks. All the cast members in costume were a lot of fun and talked to everyone and boogied the night away. It was fun to see them all just really having a good time in a relatively casual atmosphere – not having to be in the next show or think about the next line. They just seemed to let loose. Maybe it was all scripted, but I doubt it.

Theming was incredible. I was so impressed with the ride’s story and all the details that went into the queue house, from winding around the pavement to the Tourist Office and all the little knick knacks. It was great. I love that stuff. I love when someone just goes all out with an idea and really sees it through. Obviously the design team for this ride did just that.

The FOOD. I really do like Busch’s food. I mean, most of the time. Festhaus used to my favorite place for a meal except that I can do without the show there, but that’s another blog for another day. No, probably never, i won’t bother. Suffice it to say, I’m sure I’ll sit through it again with more beer but I’ll be more likely to take the tray straight out the door to somewhere else if they let me. But I digress.

Anyway, I love their German food – the pretzels are awesome and the Italian pastas were good. But the beer grilled shrimp are TO DIE FOR. I could have eaten a lot more of that. Allegedly they make that somewhere and I will now have to hunt for it next time I’m there.

And then they had live LOCAL music which is awesome of them! And Slapwater! They are the bomb. Too fun!!!

Parting gifts were excellent too!! A free Verbolten t-shirt, cute little car pen and Verbolten stationery, a window cling, really fun steering wheel key chain, and a little pin that says “FAHRT MACHINE” – so the joke is that “fahrt” in German means to pass gas. haha. Just kidding. It means a drive, travel, journey, etc. but of course they will get a lot of mileage out of it.

See what I did there?

And finally, I would like to say that Verbolten is a fantastic ride. It’s brilliant theming at its very best. Without giving anything away, just saying the idea of having 3 different experiences inside the forest and the fun story behind it, not to mention the overkill of blonde Germans, all point toward the ride becoming a big hit for all kinds of reasons. People will write songs about it. I’ve heard someone did already but she’s a real dork.

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relational bungee jumping

I thought I had written this blog before, but couldn’t find it in my search through the 20 bajillion drafts I have. Anyway, so it’s something I’ve thought a lot about when it comes to relationships – not just romantic ones, though obviously that applies too.

Relationships are like bungee jumping from a bridge. I’ve actually used this analogy before in a different sense that being married you can take leaps knowing that you are tied to each other. Like how you should be the bridge for each other, so to speak. and when life gets really crazy, you always snap back to each other as your kind of home base. This is why it’s important to tether yourself to something structurally sound when jumping, and in this analogy to someONE sound.

But in all relationships we are connected to each other – friends, family, coworkers. What if we saw our lives intricately entwined with every specific person we interact with – as if their, and our, entire livelihood and happiness were completely and totally dependent on each other? As if every single action we take, or don’t take as the case may be, directly and specifically and intensely affects the next person and their wellbeing? You know, like a human body which functions as a whole but when something goes wrong, it affects everything else… cue Christianese here…

My friend Joe wrote this the other day about being isolated… http://restoryinglife.com/alone-church/

Who doesn’t feel, at times, really alone? It is part of the human experience to feel that I am the only one who feels exactly the way I feel at this moment and I cannot fathom that anyone else can truly understand. No one else has had the exact experience I have had. No one else is made up of the same sum of parts I am made up of. And therefore I am alone.

And this is where my social cues come in. People want to be heard and empathized with, not always understood per se. Being understood is great, don’t get me wrong. There is nothing like telling someone something of your story and struggle in life to hear that they are in the same boat.

Sometimes we get stuck in that mode of support group where we really just want to rehash all the pain and frustration and sorrow and bitterness and jealousy and strife and general badness. We want to wallow and we want someone to wallow with who won’t try to (1) make it better as if s/he could or (2) tell us we’re lame as if s/he isn’t just as lame in some way.

But then you get to a point where you need the support to jump and if someone jumps with you, all the better. And the analogy can go two ways – the other person is tied to the same bridge as you, or the other person IS the bridge for you. Either way, we are in it together. And that’s why we are here on this earth and not meant for isolation. Like how you can’t really bungee jump alone. I mean, crazy.