weekend preview

i’m the kind of person who is often thinking of the next thing instead of the current thing. there is some benefit to that. for one thing, it makes me a good assistant as i always try to be a step ahead of my boss. i also am a decent planner and can get all the details ironed out with time to spare.

the downside to this personality trait/skill, though, is that i often lose the moment and may seem aloof. i tend to be plotting or scheming when i should be focusing on the here and now and enjoying whatever and whoever i am with. that whole stop and smell the roses thing.

so this weekend, i am not thinking about next week and work and plans and anything else i have to do. i want to focus on the people who are walking along the path with me in this time and space. and focus on the beauty of the world in my sights. and i’ll start that tomorrow… 

ps. my parents celebrate their 45th wedding anniversary tomorrow. i took them to see mickey rooney and his wife jan chamerblin in their show. it was entertaining and he is really quite remarkable. 89 years old !! it made me a touch sad but i dont want to get into that right now. no thinking about tomorrow. now it’s time to really really enjoy SLEEP!!!

eharmonizing

so i’m pretty sure if you feel compelled to lie on the eharmony survey that you’re just not ready for a relationship. i’m just guessing on that. but seriously, it took me nearly a year to actually finish the dumb thing and though i wasn’t particularly overanalyzing every word like *some* people i know (names held to protect the guilty as heck) i was trying to put some thought into it and resist the urge to click away all willy nilly. chilly willy?

trick is that people are incredibly SUBjective and it’s all relative. like if i check “somewhat” for “don’t have too much concern for looks” – what EXACTLY does that mean? and yes, i realize that the matrix of these types of things takes everything into account on how you answer as a whole so in theory everything balances out. i know enough to take these things with a grain of salt, but sometimes it’s really tough to see yourself in writing and narrow down what you really want in 250 characters.

so, i didnt even finish filling in all the profile stuff when i started getting matches from people. i find that odd. but i guess that’s the way the system works. i havent put up any pics because i’m so noncomittal. even though i have several (meaning 6-7 of them) friends, with my best interest at heart of course, pressuring me to do this. i was half hoping that eharmony would reject me and tell me i am way too wacked out to date. i suppose i could just write that in the about me section. you know, “sell crazy some place else – we’re all stocked up here.”

i’ve had exes tell me i’m a great girlfriend which begs the obvious question. which reminds me, once upon a time i had an idea of having a dating website that had “references” – like other people should be able to rate your dateability. then that website for girls to post warnings about guys came out – which was a hoot – but not particularly safe or helpful. just cuz you dont hit it off with someone doesnt make them a total loser. it might, but not necessarily. it may actually make you a loser.

at the end of the day though i still stand by the fact that i’ll meet who i’m supposed to meet when i’m supposed to meet him. i kinda feel like i meet really great people all the time – just at the wrong time or in the wrong frame of mind. that rhymes and i’m so using it in a song. you know, if i ever write a country song. (i wrote “i’m using it in a sentence” at first just now – duh. i DID just use it in a sentence.)

see, i’m too scatterbrained to date.

on the other side of this, i kinda feel like i know what i want, but if i wrote out a list it would appear really superficial and narrowminded. actually it wouldnt just “appear” that way – it IS that way. and i’m ok with that. could very well be why i’m single. i have to laugh because i was talking to friends about my singlehood recently and i said something like i am single because i’m really picky to which one replied something like, I dont see you as picky, I see you as having really high standards. i think it’s semantics. saying “high standards” makes me feel better about being a snobby b****.

now it isn’t so much that i think i’m ALL THAT, cuz i dont. i’m terribly insecure at times, though i do realize we all are, and i feel that there are so many areas of my life which are totally chaotic and need more work and attention. i fully accept my shortcomings (and shortleggings) and maybe in part that’s also why i dont date because i dont necessarily want to be reminded of how lame i can really be. i mean if i met the most amazing person tomorrow, i would run away like the wind because i dont want to screw up his life.

otoh, i have certain things that i know i must have in order for anything to work out, and i just really havent met that person yet. i thought i did last year, but i don’t think it was mutual (which apparently is mandatory) and while he had so many of the qualities i thought i wanted, i kind of did my usual run away routine. it’s a vicious cycle i tell ya.

so here i am, 35 almost 36 and even further away from getting married than i was at 25 turning 26. in fact, i was kinda engaged then. so there you have it. regression is fun.

God help my eharmony matches!!! i suppose sending them this blog link is not the best way to market myself… date me and you’ll get to costar on wordpress! woo hoo!

hmmmm i smell a new reality show. i’m sure it’s been done before.

freedom isnt free

i cant help but think about the fact that God doesn’t believe in government. i mean really. its not His ideal. when His chosen nation (not the USA btw) asked for a ruler/monarch/dictator He said, why the heck you want that? what’s wrong with you people? didnt I tell you what to do and how to live? dont I give you enough freedom and peace? why would you want enslavement and duty and war and chaos?

and then He gave them a really dumb king to prove a point. followed by a really great king who was constantly at war and in hiding. then followed that with a very wise and noble king who had a sex problem.

i’m not trying to be deliberately sacrilegious – ok maybe a little bit – but my point is that i get really concerned about americans these days who talk about their freedoms being diminished when they have never really done anything in the political realm to begin with. and i dont count marching at a pro-life rally. tho even that is a start. i mean when was the last time you went to an open hearing of your city council? did you even know you can just go and sit and listen and even *gasp* address them with your concerns? have you ever lobbied or gone to several contenders for local offices and figured out what they really are doing and what they really will do if in office? do you care *that* much or is it just at the dinner table?

i’m gonna go on record today the 4th because my government will not show up at my door and drag me and my kids away (they’ll have a tough time finding them) and say the following: i am not totally tickled with all obama’s administration is doing right now and i can admit that. i wont make any excuses or try to rationalize away how great he is. i have the feeling if mccain was in office totally screwing up all the repubs would be doing exactly that becuase that’s how, on the whole as a party, they usually react.  i think generalizations dont *generally* help us, but i will say that i still believe in Obama as a person who deeply loves the underdog and wants to correct the past. throwing money at our country’s demons is one way of doing that and obviously the way he has chosen. i pray to God the country will not implode on itself and that stupid people wont overreact. but then again there is no greater enemy than the one within.

that’s enough politics for the day. heck, for the week! i’m done. have a safe and fun holiday and remember all those who have given their all to make the 4th possible. pray for peace.